Hearts without Chains
by Butterflied1990
Summary: Deleted Never say Never for this explanation inside. Harry leaves Nikki for New York and even though she knew it was coming she doesn't handle his absence well. Life throws Nikki a curve ball that she can't run away from, with the clock ticking and time running out will Harry be there to help her catch it or will it knock her dead? Rating T for now just to be safe. H/N some Leo.
1. Chapter 1 Time to go

**I know I have just started another Harry/Nikki fic but the way I started it just didn't sit right with me and so I have decided to write this one and possibly take the other away but I'm not sure yet, this has little more angst but I am a sucker for a happy ending so you never know ;) It was inspired by the Ellie Goulding song "Hearts without Chains" If you haven't heard it check it out it is beautiful and fits this pairing perfectly. Enjoy**

...XxxxX...

Chapter One- Time to go

It was the morning of Harry's departure, they had both known it was coming but it didn't make it any easier. He watched her sleeping beside him, so calm, so relaxed, so beautiful but it wouldn't last, it couldn't last and his heart ached. Why had he decided to go? The last few days had made him question his motives entirely, he told himself he was leaving to better himself, to advance, to try something new, but in reality he was leaving to try and forget that no matter how close they got, no matter how far they were willing to go, he could never have her, not really.

Everything had happened so quickly, when he had first told Nikki about his decision she was strangely calm, it wasn't until later that she reacted the way he had expected her to. Profanities were thrown in his direction followed closely by objects, silence, and then there were tears, lots of tears from both Nikki and himself but after the tears came acceptance. He had stayed with Nikki for his last week as his apartment had gone on the market and she had offered to have him, again. He knew it was a bad idea from the start but had agreed to go as he didn't want to upset her again, and now he was laying in her bed watching her sleep hours before he was due to leave the country.

Harry shifted his weight slightly and Nikki began to stir. "What time is it Harry?" She asked, her voice hoarse from sleep deprivation, neither of them had slept all that well.

"A little after 7 I really should get going soon." He replied trying to keep his voice level but he knew that she would see right through his calm exterior.

"I know, do you have everything you ready?" She asked as she sat up in her bed and pulling the covers tighter around her small frame.

"Yeah it's all ready by the door, and my passport is in my hold all that I'm taking on the plane." He replied. His heart was beating so quickly, too quickly, he was nervous and they hadn't even started loading the car yet.

"Give me five minutes to get dressed then we can start loading stuff into the car." Nikki said as if she had read his thoughts, she knew him so well.

Once everything was ready they made there was back into the kitchen, Harry watched as Nikki put the kettle on and started to prepare two cups of tea. "Do you want anything to eat?" She asked know what the answer would be.

"No thanks, can you just put extra sugar in the tea please." He replied.

Nikki nodded in response and continued to busy herself with the cups. She seemed calm and it was disconcerting, he could usually read her as well as she could him but this morning she was giving nothing away, did she want him to leave?

"Here you go." Nikki said as she placed the cup down in front of him jolting him from his thoughts.

"Thanks again Nikki."

They sat in silence now, the only sound came from the clanking of the cups as they hit the counter and the ticking of the clock on the wall, an endless reminder that time waited for no one not even for two people who needed more time to say goodbye.

The drive to the airport was completely silent also, neither of them knowing what to say but her body language spoke volumes. She was closing down, shutting him out in an attempt to preserve what little control she had left. No eye contact, no touching, no speaking, only breathing.

...XxxxX...

This was it now he had checked in along with his bags all he had to do was pass though the barriers where he would go though the countless passport and security checks before boarding his flight but the look on Nikki's face at this moment stopped him in his tracks. This was going to kill them both, he knew it and that was why he had to go, it shouldn't be this hard.

"Nikki..." He started but her tears cut him off. He knew she hadn't wanted to cry, not in front of him but she just couldn't help it in the end.

He pulled the petite blonde toward him and used his thumb to wipe away the stray tears that had fallen from her deep brown eyes.

"Nikki please don't make this harder than it already is." He begged but looking in her eyes he knew that if it was hard for him, it was even harder for her. What were they thinking, why had he let the last few days happen? It would have been easier to leave her if they hadn't gotten so close, if they hadn't crossed that line.

He gave her a tight hug before pulling away and looking at her one last time, she looked broken and this time he wasn't going to be around to piece her back together, this time it was his fault.

"I'll call you when I land, please be careful on the drive home Nikki, promise me you'll be okay." He said almost pleading with her.

"Goodbye Harry, I will miss you _more than you will ever know__._ " She replied her voice quavering. She spoke last part of the sentence so quietly that Harry didn't quite catch it but he didn't ask.

"I miss you already." He replied quietly before turning and heading toward the onslaught of security checks, he only glanced back once but when he saw Nikki glued to the spot watching him he decided that it was best not to look again. He just hoped she would be okay, he hoped that he was doing the right thing, it wasn't just Nikki who was hurting, he was hurting too and that was why he had to leave.

...XxxxX...

Nikki stood in the airport long after Harry had disappeared into the crowd but she just couldn't bring herself to move it was as if she was frozen in time yet everyone else bustled around her like bees in a hive. It was the loud ringing of her phone that finally thawed her out, predictably it was Leo calling his excuse was wanting to know if Harry had gotten on the plane okay, in reality he was checking up on her.

Harry was the one constant thing she had in her life, the one person she could depend on, lean on, talk to, trust and love and yet he had taken that away from her. Did he feel the same way, did he feel the same loss the same panic that she felt building up inside her, coursing through every part of her body, every fibre of her being like an disease. She had never missed anyone so badly in her entire life, never depended on anyone so much but like everything she had ever known, like everyone else she had allowed into her life Harry was gone. He had flown half was across the world and though he was still alive, she could still see him it felt as though he was gone for good.


	2. Chapter 2 Things that are left behind

**Thank you to everyone that has read the first chapter, sorry I took down 'never say never' it just wasn't right. I hope you are enjoying this fic and would really love to hear your thoughts if you have a spare minute. Enjoy.**

...XxxxX...

Chapter two- The things that are left behind

Leo knew that Nikki wasn't okay she hadn't handled Harry's departure particularly well and it was evident in every part of her. She was looking tired, there were dark circles permanently etched under her sullen brown eyes that no amount of makeup could cover and her eating habits, although never normal were now completely erratic, that is if she ate at all. When he had first left she had seemed okay, better than this but as the weeks passed something changed and she had become a different person, he knew something wasn't right but he didn't want to push her too far, not when she was so fragile.

Leo watched his younger colleague as she sat at her desk staring at the empty seat opposite her, Harry's jacket still hanging on the back of the chair like he had just popped out to a scene. Leo had tried to move the jacket and clear the desk but Nikki had threatened to kill anyone that moved a thing claiming that she would sort through it when she was ready, it had been five weeks and she still wasn't ready, he doubted that she ever really would be because sorting out his things meant admitting that he had really left her and she couldn't so that. The buzzing of his mobile forced him to pull his gaze away from his blonde colleague and take the call, the person on the other end of the phone not someone he was expecting to hear.

"Hello Leo how are you?" Harry asked as cheerfully as he could muster. Leo hadn't been expecting him to call today, he never called without agreeing a time first.

"I'm fine Harry, how are you?" Leo answered clearly a little taken aback by the unexpected call.

"I'm okay actually, think I've finally found an apartment I like and I'm getting used to the classes now." He replied but there was something in his tone that told Leo this was not what he had really called for.

"Good, that's good but what did you really call for?" Leo asked, straight to the point as he always was.

There was a slight pause whilst Harry collected his thoughts and then he spoke, "Look Leo I know I have no right to ask but I was wondering how Nikki was doing, is she okay? She hasn't replied to a single one of my emails, she won't return my calls and I'm almost positive she's blocked me on Skype. I don't know what to do, I just want to hear her voice." Harry said his voice almost desperate.

Leo sighed loudly audibly before answering his former colleague knowing that he would have to choose his words carefully, "Listen Harry, Nikki she's stubborn just like you actually. Once her mind is made up it's hard to get her to change it, you know that better than anyone. I think she's still processing everything, mourning, she's hurting Harry because there is something missing and that something is you. I know that you want me to tell you that she's moving on but right now she couldn't be farther from it she'll come around in her own time but until then I promise I'm keeping a close eye on her." Leo said honestly.

"I know Leo I just wish it didn't have to end like this." Harry answered sadly.

"Who said anything about it ending? Life's short Harry and eventually you'll realise that the only thing that is final is death. That's the only thing you can't come back from, with everything else there is a choice. She'll come round Harry just don't stop trying." Leo replied, his wise words running quickly through Harry's head.

"Thanks Leo, you always did know the right thing to say, I just hope you're right."

"Aren't I always? Actually don't answer that." Leo joked.

"I have to go my lunch break is almost up but thanks again Leo, talk to you soon."

"Yes bye Harry and remember, keep trying nothing worth having ever comes easy."

After ending the conversation Leo made a point of physically checking on Nikki, she really did look awful and he hated seeing her like this. Something had definitely happened between the two of them before Harry had left and he now wished he had insisted that Harry stay with him for his last week in London, he should have offered to go to the airport too, maybe then she would have taken his departure better, maybe.

"Nikki did you want to get off early today there isn't much left to do and I can manage, there's no use you sitting at that desk staring into space when you could be at home sleeping." Leo asked her carefully.

"I'm fine Leo, it's fine." She replied but she sounded far from fine, she sounded exhausted.

"I'll try it a different way than shall I. Nikki I want you to go home and get some rest please, I'm worried about you." He said a little more firmly this time.

"You don't need to worry about me Leo I'm okay."

"You're not though are you? Please get some rest Nikki if not for yourself then for me." He tried again and gave her a supportive squeeze on the shoulder.

Nikki blinked rapidly and composed herself before replying once more, "I will be Leo, I will be okay I just need time to figure some things out." She answered seriously.

"I know you do but for now you need to sleep."

"I'm going just give me 5 minutes to get my stuff then I'm gone okay."

Leo nodded and returned to his office watching her as she slipped on her coat, picked up her handbag and got her car keys out ready to go, He watched her pause at Harry's chair on the way out and take the black jacket with her out of the lab giving him a small wave as she passed. A small step forward or two steps back, he didn't know but he knew that moving the jacket from the chair meant that something in her head had changed.

...XxxxX...

Nikki sat alone in her front room wearing the jacket she had taken from the lab that evening, it still smelt of Harry, he hadn't worn it in over a month but the smell of his aftershave lingered in the fabric and there were no words to describe the comfort that this brought her. He had tried to make her promise to be okay but she hadn't made that promise because she knew that she would break it, how could she be okay when she didn't have him anymore. Of course he was never really hers, not really but that hadn't stopped them been together as friends, family, fighter, and in that final week lovers. She never actually told him she loved him, aware that he was leaving and afraid that saying the words aloud would make it harder to let him go but it didn't matter, she didn't tell him and it still hurt like hell. She should have told him but now there was little point, now there was something else that she needed to tell him but she couldn't not yet.

She should have been more careful really, they should have both been more careful. As scientists they were both acutely aware of the risks of unprotect sex, she was aware of that she had forgotten to take her pill a few times that week but they had gone ahead and done it anyway, more than once. It was stupid, desperate, ten years of frustration had led to a week of what could have been and now she suspected that their week of playing house had possibly created another life. At first she had put it down to stress and not eating but she had now missed two of her monthly cycles and it didn't take a doctor to work out the odds. The pregnancy tests were still in their packets sitting lined along the bathroom sink, she would put it off for one more day. Nikki took Harry's jacket with her and climbed into bed allowed his scent to fill her nostrils once more as she closed her eyes, she really was tired and so tonight she let herself sleep, she gave in to the fatigue that had tried to fight for the last few days and she slept. Tomorrow she would start to move on, tomorrow she would face up to the future, tomorrow she would take the tests.


End file.
